…unmastered rambling

I’m often stuck in convos with me briefly explaining my experience as a member of my old college Mens Basketball team. My responses stay constant without getting too deep.

“I didn’t play much.”
“I played off & on.”
“Coach & I didn’t see eye to eye.”

I challenged myself to give my all to this opportunity. I wasn’t content with being the walk on with no HS/AAU experience just going alone for the ride. I wasn’t there strictly for the perks.

I rode the bench with brief stints of playing time.

The progress that I made was not enough. The work being put in did not fill any of the team needs. I focused on what I wanted to improve on.

You gotta be solid on defense. You can’t play that ball hawk 1on1 defense. You have to play team defense not your defense. You didn’t shoot the ball. You didn’t make yourself a threat. You’re 5’10 160 lbs with no point guard skills.

These thoughts never crossed my mind from 2010-2012. I can come to grips with these truths now simply because of growth. Had I focused on what the team needed, I could have got more time on the court.

Jealousy, envy, hate, sadness, anger, tide, happiness, excitement, hope, enthusiastic.

All emotions I felt.

A piece of my progression results from reflection. Sifting through past experiences to find inspiration or any lessons that I couldn’t acknowledge and apply at the time. Being able to reflect on my three years on this team, I couldn’t do any of the following: accept the outcome without blaming any external sources, hold myself accountable, or just be grateful.

When you’re young, personal accountability is a foreign concept, at least for me. There was a handful of things I could have done to better my experience as a college athlete, but I didn’t challenge myself. I too comfortable.

Walking around angry at your unfair circumstances will never make it better. That’s not how the universe works.

Maybe I had my chance but didn’t show up.

I gave up on the grind. I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to answer the bell and fight the next round. I began to believe the term “Hard Work Pays Off” was a myth. That brewed entitlement. An individual with no goals, no aspirations but felt entitled to something more. What kind of shit is that?

Don’t check out. Do the work. Law of attraction only works when you’re doing the work. Thoughts aligned with the necessary actions is when the universe conspires to help you achieve something.

Don’t cheat the grind. The grind knows exactly what you’re doing. You can lie to your homies. You can lie for twitter but the grind knows if you grinding or not. If you grinding everyday and your times hasn’t come yet, it’s gonna come. But you can’t turn your back on the grind. Once you turn your back on the grind you can’t do nothing. Chris Douglas-Roberts

Written by:

Ky’ron Fitzgerald




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