8/31/15 – Why Me?!?
My Sister, LaSheena J. Brown, please share your story Love One:
As a child, my mother gave me up for adoption. I never knew who my birth parents were until the age of 15. All the while, I am living with a family whom I thought was mine and by the time I was in the fifth grade, I came to the realization that this is not my family. At night, I often cried myself to sleep praying that I would meet my birth parents.
Imagine being this little girl and having the feeling of rejection at such a young age. You begin to question what your purpose is, and why this had to happen to you? I for a very long time was afraid to share this story. I also for a very long time had resentment towards my birth parents. I kept a lot of this to myself and continued to live my life. I went on to graduate from grade school and then on to graduate JHS, HS, College, and Graduate School. Here is my story…
In eight grade, my home church that I attended, paired me up with my current Godmother (Whom I refer to as my grandmother). Entering into my freshman year of high school my adopted mother was becoming older and not able to do a lot of the things that she did when I was younger. Here I go again, asking myself and wishing why I couldn’t have a young vibrant mommy and that “brady bunch” family life style that the media portrayed..Why Me?!? As a ninth grader, I was very tall and lanky. This was an immediate attraction to the varsity HS girls basketball coach. I had no interest what so ever when he came to ask me to come and tryout. He even had the best player on the team with him trying to convince me. I had no interest. One of my friends told me that I should give it a try, and he thought I would make the team. I must admit that before this, I danced for about 11 years. So to me, getting sweaty and running up and down the court was disgusting. I much have rather painted my nails or get my hair done. I committed the entire summer learning how to make a layup and shoot a free-throw. I decided that I would be a little more open minded if this opportunity rolled around again.
In tenth grade, my adopted mother fell down and broke her hip, and from that point on, my life took a turn. I was forced to be responsible..Why Me?!? I pretty much took care of myself. I would get up, get ready for school, and some mornings, I would get my adopted sisters children ready for school. The basketball coach was very persistent as he came to me again a second year and asked me if I had changed my mind. This time my answer was different, I decided I would give basketball a try.
I realized that playing this game put me in a certain zone. You forget about everything around you and you have fun for those ever many minutes that you play. It was a form of relaxation for me. It was a new hobby that I said “why not me”.
Moving into my junior year, my adopted mom was placed in a nursing home, and at this point I was at risk of being a warden of the state. My god mother instantly stepped in and moved me out of this situation and into her home in Rockville Centre, LI. This meant the changing of schools and making new friends.. great! Now I begin a new chapter, which in my mind, was a sigh of relief. I have yet a new family to call my own..Why Me?!? I began practicing with my new HS team and I was terrible. The level of basketball out here, was beyond what I was taught at my old school. I was great because I grabbed rebounds. Now it was so much more deeper. Two ball handling drills, shooting, etc. I wasn’t up there with the best anymore, it was like I had to start from scratch. I almost wanted to give up.
AAU was something that was foreign to me. One of my HS coaches decided to take the time to teach me the game of basketball. I became better and better, but lets not drift off to why I began this story. In my junior year of high school, my BIRTH mother came to where she originally left me to find that I no longer lived there. She was worried because she didn’t see me running along the streets. She left her number for me to call her and when I got the phone call, I was ecstatic. I said my REAL mom came? Wow.. Can you imagine the level of excitement and nerves at this age? Her and I met, but then it felt like a catastrophe, because once I inquired about my dad, we bumped heads, this was not what I imagined. All I was trying to do was learn my history..Why Me?!?
In the same year, at the age of 16, I met my birth father. I was on cloud nine. How many adopted children can say they know both of their birth parents?! What an emotional roller coaster. I was so far away spiritually that I thought what I was doing was right when in actuality it was hindering my growth. I still was doing the things that made me happy, but I was not satisfied. I began to seek attention in all the wrong places..Why Me?!?
In 2013, I was at my most humble point. I was fed up. I had the biggest meltdown in my car and cried unto the Lord asking him to help me and to lead me. I was sick of the dead beat relationships, and all of the drama that came along with it. I prayed, cried, spoke, and asked God for help. God heard my cry, two years later I can say that my fiancé is exactly what I prayed for.
I realize that I am very blessed. Growing up, I never understood why my mom would do this. Now, 30, lively and full of so much love and positivity, I take what she did as my blessing and I love her so much. Why NOT me?! She gave me a chance to have a better life. She wanted me to be who I am today. I am so grateful for her decision, because she could have handled the situation differently but she didn’t.
I have accomplished so much in 30 years. All the praises go to him. I started a new job recently, the tall lanky girl who was terrible at basketball in HS is now an inductee into the Mount Saint Mary College Hall of Fame class of 2015 and on top of that, I am in the midst of planning a wedding. My fiancé and I are absolutely celibate and we await marriage to begin our life as one.
Blessed is an understatement. I believe that everything happens for a reason. So now instead of the question Why Me?..Why Not me?!? The lord experienced worst. I thank him for his sacrifice along with my mothers sacrifice. Although the two are no way near comparable, had it not been for her decision, none of these experiences would of been possible. I am forever grateful!
Never underestimate the power of prayer.
Love is Love,
LaSheena J. Brown